When I think back to my days managing a busy retail store, I never imagined that one day I’d be spending my time in a completely different way—sharing my life with people who need a bit of extra support. But, like many people do, I hit a point where I knew something had to change. I wanted to do something more meaningful, something that made a real difference in people’s lives. That’s when I found Shared Lives.
My name is Paul Crilly, I have been married to Kath, who is a civil servant, for 25 years. My first job was a Saturday job with the bike store, Halfords, when I was 17. Fast forward to 26 years later, I eventually left, having become a store manager. Call it a mid-life crisis, but I knew I had to take mine and Kath’s life in a new direction.
A fresh start with Shared Lives
I had known a Shared Lives carer, Geoff, since I was 17. We met while travelling with groups of sick and elderly people to Lourdes. Over the years, Geoff shared his life with me and we are still in regular contact. I mentioned that I’d had enough of life in retail – I was working long days, plus three out of four weekends and I wasn’t able to spend time with the people I care about. Geoff encouraged me to find out more about Shared Lives and introduced me to PSS. I thought ‘why not?’.
It’s not your typical job, and it’s not for everyone, but for me, it’s been life changing. If you want to help people, make a difference in their lives and are maybe looking for something other than a 9-5 job, then maybe Shared Lives is for you.
‘I’d had enough of life in retail – I was working long days, plus three out of four weekends and I wasn’t able to spend time with the people I care about. Geoff encouraged me to find out more about Shared Lives and introduced me to PSS. I thought ‘why not?’’
There’s so much training involved in becoming a Shared Lives carer, but the real training comes with experience. It’s like when you pass your driving test, that’s when you really learn to drive.
In my first week, I had something of a baptism of fire, when the person I was supporting experienced severe tummy problems, which I just wasn’t prepared for. There was nothing in his records to indicate that there was a problem. I remember talking to Geoff in absolute panic, and he, as an old hand, reassured me that it would be all right – and of course it was.
The person I support was new to PSS and it turned out he had undiagnosed lactose intolerance. This had probably caused him misery for years. So just helping with that one thing made a huge difference to that one person.
As time went along, Geoff was always there as a sounding board. Being able to talk to someone who understands really does make a huge difference.
‘The people I look after came to us only just surviving in life and now they really live life to the full and have a great future. I know I can be proud of the part I’ve played in that.’
Today, I support someone called Kevin. His sister used to have to fight for him, for his care, for his benefits and for his wellbeing. Now that’s my job and because she can entrust his care to me, it means she can be a sister again. I’m so proud that next week they are going on holiday together, for the first time ever.
Shared Lives as a lifelong vocation
When people ask me why I’ve been a Shared Lives carer for as long as I have, I tell them it’s simple – the people I look after came to us only just surviving in life and now they really live life to the full and have a great future. I know I can be proud of the part I’ve played in that. I may not have changed the world, but my support has meant the world to some of the people we’ve supported.
Life lessons from the last ten years
In the last ten years I’ve learned a lot about what makes a good Shared Lives carer. It really is what it says on the tin – we share our lives. And with that sharing comes personal growth. I am more understanding, more patient, and take time to listen and to understand.
If you’re thinking about applying to be a Shared Lives carer here’s some hints and tips before you do:
- Never be afraid to ask for help.
Whether that’s fellow carers, friends or family it’s always good to talk. As a PSS carer you’ll also have a dedicated development worker who’ll be on the other end of the phone when you need them. PSS also has Carer Champions dotted around the country (I’m one of them) who volunteer their time to support Shared Lives carers no matter where they are or how long they’ve been a carer for.
2. Listen to the people you care for
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Shared Lives is person-centred and focuses on the person’s strengths and ambitions. Baby steps for me can mean big strides in someone else’s life. One of my best outcomes is that one of the people I support who had a difficult start in life has come so far that he wants to give back to others within the PSS family and now does lots of volunteering to support the organisation.
3. Live the PSS values.
PSS Shared Lives carers are big hearted, open minded, professional, genuine and determined. If you can live by those values then you’ll be a brilliant Shared Lives carer.
4. Every day is a school day.
Even ten years down the line I’m learning something new every day. It’s one of those jobs that will never get old, never get easy (but it will get easier!) and it will almost always be rewarding.
Being a Shared Lives carer is not going to be for everyone, but it can be so rewarding.