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We didn’t realise how much we needed Shared Lives until we had it

For a long time, Jo and her husband, Paul – like most parent carers – just made things work. James, their son, is 27 and his loved ones describe him as funny, sports-mad, and able to bring life into any situation. Life is never dull with James. 

Before the pandemic, things worked well for James and the family, who all pitched in to support James, who has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and uses a wheelchair when he gets tired. Outside of attending his favourite day centre three days a week – where he’d made loads of friends and built up some great skills – the rest of the time was shared between Jo, Paul and his grandparents.  

James (left) has always loved being a sports fan of any and every sport he can find

How the pandemic affected families like James’

Once the pandemic hit everything changed. James started to struggle with his anxiety and started to feel overwhelmed about doing the things he’d always enjoyed. 

‘He just stopped going out’, says Jo. 

‘Even when things opened up again, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the house. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. For a whole year, we barely got him out the front door.’ 

James’ parents were exhausted and heartbroken. The hardest thing for Jo and Paul was seeing how James just wasn’t his usual, feisty, self anymore and he’d given up some of his greatest loves, like horse therapy and going to his day centre.  

James has always loved horses

Finding out about Shared Lives

Just as the family were running out of ideas to help bring James back to his old self, their social worker at Lincolnshire County Council suggested Shared Lives. 

The PSS Shared Lives team got their heads together to think about the perfect match for James. It needed to be someone patient, open-minded, and willing to push James out of his comfort zone. That’s when PSS Shared Lives carer, Nikki, came into the picture. Like with all of our matching processes, the first step was for James to meet Nikki informally and if it felt right, they’d give it a whirl. It’s important to the team that the arrangement works for everyone – that includes Nikki, James, and James’ loved ones too. 

It was clear from the beginning that James was going to fit right in with Nikki’s big, warm family and James loved meeting other members of her family, like her oldest son, Rob. 

Now, Nikki picks James up twice a week and takes him out to places he enjoys, with people he now calls friends. With Nikki, James is more confident and he’s doing things he loves. Slowly, he’s becoming more like the James his family know so well. James is right in the middle of Nikki’s big, loving family. He’s always included in everything and even has weekly phone calls with Nikki’s oldest son to have a bit of banter about their shared love of football. 

James, a white male in his 20s wears a red cap and a red jacket and jeans. He's outside a coffee shop enjoying a taekaway coffee and smiling brightly at the camera. He's clearly out and about in his community and loving it.
James has gone from never leaving his bedroom to getting out and about on the local high street for a coffee with Nikki, his Shared Lives carer

Nikki says: ‘I could say so much about what I’ve enjoyed about supporting James but its mainly his willingness to not only do, but actually enjoy various activities like cooking, pottery painting, bowling, mini golf, shopping, going out for meals, and going to the cinema. He has unbelievable confidence whilst working with the horses. James is now about to begin horse riding again, after a long time of not being able to bring himself to go.’ 

‘For me it’s the incredible friendships he has built with members of our family including my uncle Malc but especially Rob, our eldest son, who he speaks with on Facetime every Thursday without fail.  It’s so wonderful to see how much they enjoy James’s company. There is always lots of chatting, banter and laughter.’ 

And for Jo and her husband, Paul? It’s given them the space to reset each week too. Jo says: ‘We can go out. Do the food shop without rushing or maybe even go to a restaurant. It might not sound like much, but for us it’s huge.’ 

‘Right from the start, she made me feel calm’, says Jo. ‘She didn’t panic if James got anxious, she didn’t call me every five minutes – she got to know James on a much deeper level so she knew what he needed. That gave me confidence. I knew he was safe.’ 

James still has his tough days but now, he’s not stuck. And neither are his biggest supporters. 

‘Shared Lives gave us our life back’, Jo says. ‘It’s helped James feel like himself again. But it’s helped us, too. We don’t talk about that enough. Parents get so used to pushing through. But this has let us stop and breathe. It’s been brilliant for all of us’. 

Nikki doesn’t underestimate the benefit it has had on her either. Nikki says: ‘James never ceases to amaze me. It is an absolute pleasure spending time with James.  He truly makes my heart smile.’ 

‘I am also very thankful to Jo and Paul for trusting me with James. We, in my opinion have managed to build a really nice relationship.’ 

Find out more about being a Shared Lives carer – request a callback today