Leaving foster care can be a scary and unpredictable experience for so many young people, we know that having support at that moment is so important. Young people with additional needs can really benefit from a service like Shared Lives. When Kelsie was leaving foster care at 18, she was unsure where she would end up, that’s when Suzanne stepped in as her Shared Lives carer. We caught up with them both to tell their amazing story.
Kelsie is 23, she lives with Suzanne and her husband Les and came to them straight from foster care five years ago, using the PSS Shared Lives Moving On service.
When she reached 18, Kelsie wasn’t sure where she would end up living, she was offered a place in a YMCA or sheltered accommodation hours away from everyone she knew, which was quite scary for her. Now she is living life to the fullest in a family home and doing things she never imagined, her days are filled with playing with her dogs, obedience training dogs, cooking with the family, going to college, going on compact tractor rides and preparing the dogs for competing at Crufts.
New hobbies and skills in Shared Lives
Kelsie said of her new life: “I love the fact that I can do what I want and Suzanne is always willing to help me do it, they have taught me how to use public transport and it’s just the fact that if I say I want to do something , they say “Okay, let’s go and do it.”
Not only is Kelsie loving her new lease of life, but she has also developed a whole new passion, training her dogs to compete at Crufts. Kelsie said of her ambitions: “I want to go to Crufts because I’ve qualified one of my dogs, we go to dog shows all over the country, and we travel in the caravan to explore different parts of the country with the dogs.”
Kelsie’s dog Taz was awarded his Kennel Club Good Citizen Silver Award before Christmas, which Kelsie was delighted in receiving, as all her hard work paid off.
Outside of training her dogs, Kelsie has just finished her Level 1 childcare course, she also has a work placement with Onward Enterprises, where she works a few days per week. At Onward she packs different things, gains experience, while earning a small amount of money and making new friends.
If life wasn’t busy enough for Kelsie, she will be starting rehearsals for a Pantomime soon, which will be opening in March and is also run by Onward Enterprises. Don’t be fooled, this isn’t Kelsey’s first tread of the boards, she has been in Panto for the last three years!
From Foster carers to Shared Lives carers
Suzanne and her husband Les are both former foster carers, Suzanne shares why they decided to become Shared Lives carers.
Suzanne said: “We had fostered for 12 years, we have spare bedrooms and wanted to give something back really, our foster children were getting older and the thought of having young children again and being the oldest mother in the playground picking up children didn’t really appeal to me.”
“I was talking to someone about Shared Lives, and I said oh that’s quite a good idea, and I looked into it. Our foster children went to go and live with our daughter who became a foster carer, and we started looking after adults with disabilities. We have Kelsie and two gentlemen who live here, and they get on really well. The dinner table can be exciting sometimes when you have different people all telling you different things. We got matched really well, so the house works amazingly.”
“I think the difference with fostering and shared lives, is there isn’t an end to it, like when you get to 18 you have to move on.”
What would life be like for Kelsie without Shared Lives?
We asked Kelsie where she would be if she didn’t have Shared Lives, Kelsie said: “Lord only knows, probably somewhere that I hate, I know before they found Sue and Les they were talking about putting me in a YMCA, but my foster mum said no that is not happening, then they talked about putting me in sheltered housing really far away far and she said no that’s not happening either. Eventually they found Sue and Les and I got the happy ending that I wanted.”
Suzanne said about Kelsie’s experience: “I don’t think they (the authorities) really realised what Kelsie’s needs were, when they were planning about where she was going to live, her foster mum really advocated for Kelsie in that respect, and she’s the reason why Kelsie ended up finding Shared Lives.”
What has it been like going from Foster care to Shared Lives?
Kelsie tells us about her experience: “It’s been really good because before I moved in here, I had the chance to come and see the house and look around it, get the know Sue and Les. I came over for a couple of sleepovers, so I could see what it was like here during the weekend and what it’s like here during the week. The dog loved me; I knew this was the place for me.”
“When I was in foster care I couldn’t cook, I couldn’t use public transport, loads of things I couldn’t do, but now I can do those things because I’ve been shown how to do it.”
Kelsie said people used to doubt her using public transport: “Everyone said oh you’ll never get public transport by yourself, you’ll never be able to do it, but now with help from Sue and Les, I can, and I do use public transport by myself. I know they are always at the end of the phone if I need them.” Suzanne mentioned that the family use Life360, so they can guide Kelsie if she has gone the wrong way.
Suzanne and Les support Kelsie in so many ways.
Suzanne supports Kelsie to achieve her goals, encouraging her to try new things and push herself, which is when she discovered her passion for dog training.
Suzanne said: “Kelsie is absolutely brilliant with paperwork; we run the biggest dog show that isn’t Crufts. Diss and Harleston Dog Training Club run a four-day obedience dog show, and Kelsie often helps me type up stuff, she’s really good at it. She also helps with training the dogs and looking after them. Everybody said she’d never be able to get on or use public transport, so we went with Kelsie a few times, showed her where to go and what to do, she’s used the bus and the train since we’ve shown her.”
Suzanne and Les took Kelsie Skiing in January; they went to the French Alps. The couple have skied since their children were little, so they go every year. Kelsie has been watching YouTube on the TV and said she’d really like to go, she has had a couple of lessons, but she found it really difficult due to her dyspraxia.
Suzanne said: “Kelsie will be going to experience everything else, there’s so much to do that doesn’t involve skiing.” In the resort there are many activities to do, from eating (a big thing in France!), snow shoeing (walking on the snow with special shoes), a very long toboggan run, rides on skidoos, zip-line rides, skating rink, bowling, swimming, Jacuzzi, to name a few. Kelsie enjoyed taking part in some of these activities and was especially keen on the French food! She found the altitude a bit difficult for a few days but once she got used to it, she was fine.”
Kelsie said: “The drive to the Alps wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, I sometimes get travel sick.” It was Kelsie’s first trip through the Channel tunnel, and she found out all the facts about the trip before we left, so they had lots to talk about on the long drive. Kelsie loved eating out, her favourite meal was Steak Haché and her “best sweet” was crepes. Kelsie said: “I was happy that everyone spoke to me in English and I LOVED the snow. I really enjoyed throwing snowballs and making snow angels.”
Do you think enough people know about Shared Lives?
Shared Lives was actually created by PSS and has been around since the 1970’s, but not many know about the service. We asked Kelsie and Suzanne if they thought enough people knew about Shared Lives.
Kelsie said: “Not enough people know about it, you can talk about it and they go, oh what’s that? If more people knew, it would be better, because people would get more support they need, rather than just being left to get on with it themselves.”
Suzanne said: “We have friends who are foster parents and they are worried about their young people not being able to live on their own, and I’ve said have you thought about Shared Lives and they go, “Well what’s that?” So obviously it’s just not really known about, which is a shame. It should be available to be known about, so that the foster parent and young person can make that informed choice.”
Would you recommend Shared Lives to anyone and why?
Suzanne said: “Les and I love being Shared Lives carers, we find the role very fulfilling and enjoy the company of people living with us. Since becoming a Shared Lives carer, I have recommended three of my friends/family to be Shared Lives carers, and all of them have passed panel and enjoying being carers. If I had any advice to give any new carers, I would just say be yourself when meeting potential matches, it works well to sometimes think outside the box and don’t sweat the small stuff.”