Gaynor, 56, and Sean, 56, never expected to become Shared Lives carers. After fostering children with support needs they decided to take a break, and thought that part of their lives was done. But after a couple of years with just the two of them, they heard about Shared Lives from another couple, and something clicked.
‘It just made sense’ says Gaynor. ‘Both of us were at home and missing that sense of purpose we’d had with fostering, and we missed having someone around. My parents are both elderly and have their own care needs so I needed something that could work around that commitment. Shared Lives was perfect for that.’
Now, they share their home with Emma, 28, and they all say it feels like it was meant to be.
‘I wanted more than just a flat and a telly.’
Emma was at a crossroads when she came to Shared Lives. She’d been offered a place in supported living, but it didn’t feel like much of a change. ‘You’d have someone come in once a day but it didn’t feel like having company. It felt like being alone with a telly, which is what I was already doing in my own flat.’
Shared Lives was different. Emma wanted people who’d be there when she needed them and not just passing through. ‘I wanted a proper home. Not just a place to live, but a place where I’d feel wanted.’
That’s exactly what she found with Gaynor and Sean.
Emma said: ‘Gaynor and Sean are always around when I need them – if they’re not in the house I can text them or give them a call.’
Gaynor said: ‘Emma’s really independent though, she does a lot of things on her own now that she didn’t do before’.
A home that works for everyone
For Gaynor and Sean, Shared Lives was the perfect fit. ‘We didn’t want to take on someone with really high support needs – not because we didn’t care, but because we’ve got my parents to look after too. So we asked for someone semi-independent who just needed a bit of help with gaining back the skills we know they have in them, but they just need that support to get there.’
Gaynor said: ‘from the first visit, we just knew. Then we arranged for Emma to come over for some dinner with the social worker and our development worker, Alex too. After that, we were texting, sending photos, and it felt natural straight away. We have the same humour, support the same football team – Sean and Emma are both Man City mad!’
Emma agrees: ‘I remember going for dinner. It was like when the sun comes out and everyone shouts ‘get the salad out!’ We had picky tea with chicken nuggets, coleslaw, all the good stuff. I didn’t feel shy at all.’
Social care for a wide range of support needs
Since moving in, Emma’s world has opened up. Emma says: ‘I don’t sit in all the time anymore. I go to swimming, art classes, coffee mornings. I’ve got two voluntary jobs now too.’
Sean has taken me to the Etihad stadium tour, and I’ve met Sean’s friend who takes me to the game every now and then too. I’ve even been to a Man City game on my own!’
Emma’s also brushing up on her cooking skills. She cooks for herself all the time and has even whipped up an all-day breakfast for the three of them. Most of all, Emma says she’s becoming more confident. Emma says: ‘I’ve done things I never thought I’d do – like going up Blackpool Tower or winning a fancy dress competition dressed as Eliot from ET!’
Emma adds: ‘Before, I was just existing. Now I’m living my life.’
The difference Shared Lives makes
For Gaynor and Sean, becoming Shared Lives carers has changed their lives, too.
Gaynor said: ‘We’ve got someone to share things with again. It’s filled a gap – sometimes you can have too much time on your hands.’
And the benefits aren’t just at home. Gaynor said: ‘We can still care for my parents. We’ve got flexibility. And we’re earning a wage doing something that brings out our caring side again.’
What makes a good Shared Lives carer?
Gaynor and Sean say it’s not about fancy skills. Gaynor says: ‘You just need a bit of patience, loving, understanding, not too judgemental, listening skills, practical skills – we’re Emma’s biggest cheerleaders. We help her with anything she needs, whether it’s appointments or an ear to listen to, or getting her settled in groups. We’ve initiated her into the family because it wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t part of the family – it wouldn’t work.
‘Shared Lives is just that – a shared life. You share your family, anything that’s going on…we have an autistic grandchild that Emma is great with, we share the pet, everything’.
And what would Emma say to someone considering Shared Lives?
‘Don’t write people off because they’ve got a disability. We don’t want to be separated. We want to be included. Shared Lives gives people a proper home and makes them feel part of something. It’s made a massive difference to me.’
If only more people knew about Shared Lives
Like most people who comes across Shared Lives, once you learn about this model of care it’s hard to believe that more people don’t know about it.
Gaynor says: ‘If I knew it would be like this, I’d have done it years ago. It’s the best thing we’ve done in a long time.’